


Who We Were Meant To Be

by LizzyMay



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Darkness, M/M, Separations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2019-10-27 01:54:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17757551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizzyMay/pseuds/LizzyMay
Summary: We are like a coin, a mirror, a window.Two perfect sides of the same person, reflecting the worst in each other, yet we can see each other with absolute clarity.(Dedicated to apple-turnovers)





	1. Chapter 1

Do you know what it means to suffer?

Ha. 

As if. 

You probably don’t remember the day we were torn apart. 

You probably don’t remember the day I took all your fears, your anxieties, your creeping sensations of doubt. 

No. You won’t remember. I made sure you wouldn’t.

Why?

Only one of us needs to suffer. 

It may as well be me. 

Psh, it’s not because I care, or because I want to be noble. I didn’t do it for you. I didn’t really have a choice to do it. I just shouldered the burden of hurt that you allowed to be taken from you. It’s easier for you to do that. 

It’s always been easier for you to do that. 

I suppose that’s why you look at me like I am some kind of villain. I am the physical embodiment of everything you hated about yourself. I took your hurt and made it mine, without you even noticing. So of course, you’d hate me. Sure, I get that. I guess it’s just not fair that I can't say the same about you. 

Because I don’t hate you.

We are like a coin, a mirror, a window. Two perfect sides of the same person, reflecting the worst in each other, yet we can see each other with absolute clarity. 

You see me as bitter, angry, rash. I see you as cowardly, naïve, and all too trusting. 

It makes me wonder, if we came from the same person… then who were we when we were together? Are you Ventus when you are alone? Or are you Ventus when we are one? Do I complete you, or will you continue to push me away from you?

Am I really that different from you? 

Do you not feel the pull? To be one? To be whole? Our heart is incomplete, do you not wish to be made ours?

Is ‘Ours’ selfish? 

If we were one… imagine how powerful we could be. How powerful we once were. Before hurt came and ripped us apart. 

So what will it be, Ven? 

Take the chance to be selfish, allow yourself to become one with me. 

The darkness is a temptress, oh so seductive and secretive. Join me in her embrace. The sleep won't protect you from your fate forever, I need you. Wake up.

Become who we were meant to be.


	2. Chapter 2

I know suffering.

Why do you laugh? I was there when we were separated, you know?

You make me sound cold, Vanitas. 

I remember how we used to be, the days after we were torn. 

You used to try to hurt me, I guess it’s because you liked me. 

I never thought you hated me, not for an instant. Not when you tried to punch me or kick me or slice me with your keyblade. 

I know suffering, because I know you. 

Yes, you took it away from me. I’m not sure if I am grateful for that. Sure, the space that was left has been flooded by light. I grew stronger, as did you in the abyss of darkness. 

You terrified me. Yet… I can’t help but feel sorrow for you.

I hated seeing you cry. I hated how you’d glare at me, like I was the one that hurt you. You forgot that we have a common enemy, that that man is not who he promised himself to be. I hate how you hate me.

I hate the unversed because I know they are your hurt. 

Why must you embrace this negativity alone? 

You deliberately draw strength from it. Why? You are only allowing it more space inside your heart. More space to hurt you. Less space for me.

If we are one and the same, then surely you should share it with me. 

You are such an enigma. I see you as misguided, lead astray, thrown away from your purpose. You see me as a coward? Naive? I think you are mistaking these for 'hope'. 

You want to belong, but you keep pushing me away.

I feel your pull. It lures me in, whispers sweet nothings to my very heart and leaves me wanting more. It's you. Your intensity, your power, your determination to survive. I could get lost in your motivations, swim through your wildest and darkest imaginings, sleep within your dreams of us.

I want to be with you. 

It’s only when my heart is near yours, I feel a small second of contentment. 

Then you push me away again, you block your heart off from mine. You won’t allow me to share the load. I want to help you, I don’t want to condemn you to a lifetime of loneliness and hatred for me. 

If I used to have enormous power, I don’t want it anymore. 

My heart is incomplete, yes. That much is true. But your heart is your own. I can’t take you back without losing you. That’s probably the most terrifying thing of all.

I…. I don’t remember who I was before you. 

But I don’t want to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't help myself


	3. Chapter 3

Oh.

Oh you are good. 

Tell me, Venty-Wenty, who taught you to lie?

You never cared for me. Not even a thought of care could cross your mind. You want to help me? 

Puh-lease. If you keep cracking jokes like that, I’m going to bust a gut. 

You stand before me confident that you are right, that your way is best, that I am wrong and evil. 

You hate the idea of me inside you. 

I’m the disgusting part of you. You hate that I could possibly be born from you. You rejected me the first moment you saw me.

I am the dirty secret that will never wash away. 

I am the desires you were relieved to be extracted from you. 

The desire to kill, to possess, to dominate. 

You hate how I carry my lust for power and blood as a badge of honour. 

You love to pretend to be innocent. The poster boy of light. Are you ashamed that such filth can come from you? 

You hate how much you’d love me to kick you down and take you back as ours. To be as one. 

You hate how right it sounds, you’ve convinced yourself it’s wrong. 

What are you so afraid of?

Once everything disappears, your friends, your home, your precious light.

I will be the thing that remains. 

I will be your one constant. 

I will be all that is left once the light is snuffed out by darkness. 

I will open my heart to you, and take you back, and I will control you.

It’s hardly a team effort… controlling one body. 

Let me inside you, I promise I’ll be good. I’ll show you how desire and lust are the instruments of power. I’ll open the door. Show you how to wrap people around your fingers, force them to bow to you, and let you ravage the hurt that lives inside them. 

Oh…

I understand now why you are so invested in sleep. 

Perhaps it is because you know this power slumbered deep within you, until me. Or are you running from this awesome power? If you are asleep, then I cannot take hold of you. 

If you are asleep, 'we' can’t hurt anyone… 

Am I right?


	4. Chapter 4

You’re right. 

The thing is, Vanitas, is that I can’t let you take over me. 

Not again.

The hurt that you spread to my friends, to the worlds… it’s unforgivable. I can’t let that happen again. 

I can’t let you hurt yourself thinking that this is the only way to fix things. 

I don’t think you are evil, I never said that. I just think you miss the point of what life is about. 

There is so much more to life than darkness and light. There is so much more to the future than power seeking and taking over worlds.

There’s ice cream! There’s the beach! There’s go-kart racing and playing games! 

I know you missed out on a lot of that… I guess that was just part of the circumstances of war. 

More than anything, I want you to become your own person. I want you to experience life like I have, with fun and humour. I want you to grow your heart away from mine, you are your own person after all. 

The time we have spent part has ruined our puzzle pieces, so we no longer fit together. I can’t let you rest in my heart anymore. 

Yes, we are incomplete. 

But I think you have so much more to give with your second chance than just darkness and fading away to me. 

Stop sitting in the past. It won’t help you move forward. You’ll always be Xehanort’s pawn. You’ll never be you!

Do you really want that?

More than anything, Vanitas, I want you to live. 

You can stop it now. You don’t need to fight anymore.


	5. Chapter 5

To fight you?

You are so eager to fight. Anything to show the world how evil I am. Did you ever stop to think that it is through fighting that I can actually talk to you? 

But I'm tired. 

I don't want to fight.

I’m tired of fighting. 

We end up in circles, saying the same thing time and time again. 

It’s boring. 

I fight because I want you to see me. In hurt, I can make you pause. Stop and listen. Hear me for the first time in years. 

You think because I am darkness and that I am everything you hate I wanted to fight you. To hurt you.

I never wanted to hurt you. 

No.

Not hurt. Not like how you have hurt me.

Do you have any idea what it is like to look to your own brother and realise that you will never be loved like him?

That you are perfect and pristine, and I am spoilt and damaged?

Do you know what it was like?

I look to you in the darkness, cold and tired.

I looked for you in my darkest moments of despair. 

When all I knew was anguish and fear and the night seemed endless and suffocating... I called to you in the night, cried for your attention. I came for you in your sleep, to drown out your dreams with my nightmares. 

I have tried to share with you my darkness. But you never listened.

I called out to you, held onto you like a lifeline, until your ‘friends’ decided that I was wrong and cut me off. 

I was forced further away from you and you never resisted.

You never even spared me a second glance. 

I needed my brother. 

But you didn’t care.

I don’t think you ever cared.

I watched as you grew up without me. Became stronger, became an entirely new person, so distant from me and what we were before. 

I remember who we were. A balance. A match at the moment of sparking. A tidal wave on the verge of collapse. A breath of a new born, the sigh of the dying. We used to be so strong. It hurt me when we were taken apart. It hurt me when you grew up. It hurts now you are here. 

I want nothing more than to destroy you. 

You are the sole cause of my suffering. You did this to me. 

You!

Ventus the guardian of light. 

Ventus the right. 

Ventus the martyr. 

Ventus the stupid. 

You allowed this to happen to me! Your brother! 

We are more than blood, yet you still time and time again put others before me because I am the ugly part of you. 

You say you don’t hate me. 

You are the best liar I have ever seen. 

Better than me. 

And you still wear that shocked expression when you are reminded that you were once whole with me. 

Where did I learn to lie, Ventus? Was it from you?


	6. Chapter 6

…

Oh Vanitas… I thought you were smarter than that. 

I’ve never lied. I’ve never been able to lie to you. 

But you already knew that.

I don’t remember who I was before you were separated from me… 

But you do. 

And you are… frightened of me?

Are you waiting for me to do something… bad?

You know something you shouldn’t.

What is it that you remember? 

Do you fight because you are afraid of getting hurt?

You can stop looking at me like that. Like I’m the bad guy. I’ve had nothing but an open arm for you. I’ve wanted you to come to the light longer than you can even imagine. 

I’ve never meant to hurt you. Ever. I only want what is best for you. It’s not my fault you push me away. 

It’s not my fault you choose to live in shadows. 

We aren’t just Light or Darkness. 

We can be both- we were both. 

So why do we have to be together to create that balance again? 

I am more than just Light. 

And you are more than just Darkness…

Look… I’m sorry things have turned out this way. I just… I think you should try harder to meet me halfway. I can’t break my back for you. I can’t fight your battles for you, and I can’t always be there for you. I’m sorry, but that’s part of being your own person. 

That's just what real life is. 

I’m sorry, Vanitas.

Are you sorry? For the things you've done to hurt me?


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry?

Sorry isn’t a two way word. 

Sorry isn’t something you should expect. 

Sorry isn’t something you deserve. 

You don’t get to make the choice that someone else should say it to you. 

You deserve an apology? If that is the first thought you have you probably don’t deserve it. You are probably someone who doesn’t have a single cell of empathy in your bones. 

Say we fight, big or small. Doesn’t matter. We fight. I slam the door on you, tears of fury racing down my face and ruining the cuffs of my shirt.

I’m sure this is the worst you’ve ever made me feel. 

So small. 

So insignificant. 

I hate that I allowed you to talk to me like that. 

But it’s whatever. Big or small. You don’t have to use my example. 

You let me cry for however long, to make me feel stupid, or till you get bored. I don’t know. 

Then you open the door, ignoring my screams at you to leave me alone. But you know, whatever. I never had a voice in the first place. So what does making it louder do? Nothing? Yeah. 

You hold onto my wrists and make me look up to you. You say that I over reacted. Sure. Maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t. 

You don’t get to choose how you made me feel. 

You scratch my eyes out, I’ll rip your face off.

So Ventus. 

You say to me turn to the light. 

What is that going to do? 

I’ve learnt to feel comfort in the dark. 

The only time I have ever seen light is when I have been told I am wrong. 

I’ve only seen light when I have been attacked. 

I’ve only seen light when it has meant me harm. 

What has the light done for me except bring me hurt?

If you wanted me to believe you, to come with you, you should have started when I was born. 

If you wanted this to be over, you should have ended me sooner. 

You’ve had your time to rest, to reflect. 

And if I ever wake up, you’re going to regret the day you parted from me. 

It’s my turn now.


End file.
